Tell Me Something
by zunaira ghazal
Summary: Sakura, Hashirama and Karin gather for breakfast once a week to discuss their respective boyfriends—or lack there off. "Yes. I could trick him out on a date and grovel. He'd like that." AU. SasuSaku. HashiMada. SuiKarin.
1. Chapter 1

**Title:** Tell Me Something  
 **Summary:** Sakura, Hashirama and Karin gather for breakfast once a week to discuss their respective boyfriends—or lack there off.  
 **Notes:**  
I. based on that one headcanon.  
ii. Yes, I actually went there. :D  
iii. SakuKarin's the new brotp. ^^

x

May those that love us, love us.  
And those that don't love us,  
May God turn their hearts.  
And if he doesn't turn their hearts,  
May he turn their ankles,  
So we'll know them by their limping

x

"I'll have an Avocado toast with egg, a peanut butter banana smoothie and a fruit and yogurt parfait."

"I'll have a breakfast burrito, a half-plate of pancakes with maple syrup and butter, a side of hash browns and a strawberry-banana quinoa muffin."

As the waiter scurried off with the order, Sakura raised an eye brow, took a sip of her water and said, "So…"

Hashirama rubbed at his temples. "It's been quite a day, so far. Where's Karin, by the way?"

"I'll bet," she smirked, "and she should be here any minute."

At that moment, the wind chime on the café door chimed pleasantly and in walked Karin. Even from fifteen feet away, both Hashirama and Sakura could see her eyes glittering with menace. Both of them winced when she slammed her car keys—quite violently—on the table and slumped down in her seat.

"Now, Karin," started Hashirama, in his passive-aggressive, lets-not-be-unnecessarily-violent voice.

"Don't start with me, Gramps," she snapped, cutting him off before he could even start.

Sakura patted her hand soothingly as Hashirama abruptly shut his mouth, looking wounded. "You should order," said Sakura, motioning the waiter over.

"I'll have cinnamon crepes with nut butter, sliced banana and raspberries and a tropical breakfast smoothie," Karin snapped, with the practiced ease of a regular, and then slumped her shoulders like a puppy as the waiter skittered away, again.

"Oh, no," said Hashirama, "what's up?"

"Let's talk about it when breakfast arrives," said Karin, "and I'm sorry for snapping earlier, Gramps."

Hashirama grinned brilliantly, slight already forgiven and flipped his hair to the side. Sakura and Karin looked on longingly.

"I can't believe you have such gorgeous hair," Sakura grumbled, and reached out to test out the silky texture of Hashirama's Mane of Beauty. It was a perfect counterpart to Madara's Mane of Glory.

On her other side, Karin sniggered. "I bet Maddy _luurves_ to run his hands through it."

Hashirama blushed a brilliant puce as he sputtered, "Karin!"

Sakura laughed. "Sasuke-kun's hair is like a rats nest most of the time, but I swear when I run my hands through it, it magically unknots. Fucking Uchiha's," she shook her head in amused admiration.

"Ha! I used to dream of that, back when," Karin drawled.

"Besides, you do realize _you_ are an Uchiha, too Sakura," Hashirama pointed out snootily. He didn't like it when anyone laid into his boyfriend and/or his family, be it the aforementioned family itself.

"Ah, chill out Gramps." Sakura leaned back in her seat and swatted off Hashirama's sulky vibes with a flip of her hand, "You know, no one loves those dorks like I."

"But not Maddy," griped Karin. "He's creepy."

"He's no such—"

"And intense," added Sakura.

"I admire how you keep him in line, Gramps," Karin grinned and gave him a two finger salute.

Hashirama huffed, "He's a genuinely nice person. If you would just give him a cha—"

"Oh please, Gramps," Sakura leaned forward and cupped the side of her face in her hand, elbow resting on the table, "He's afflicted."

Karin snorted, "With excessive boredom and shocking arrogance."

"As if Sasuke is any better," sniped Hashirama.

Both Sakura and Karin smirked. It took a feat of remarkable manipulation to make Hashirama the Saint to turn on someone, and snarking on Madara was one of it.

At that moment, the waiter returned with their formidable breakfast order, and as all three of them started digging in, as per tradition, the gossip session of their breakfast started.

"So, every time I try to kiss Sasuke in front of Sarada, he freaks out like no one's business," said Sakura as she dug into her toast.

"Madara's been picking fights with me, more than usual lately. I know it's his way of showing affection, but sometimes, I just can't, ok?" Hashirama stabbed a knife into his pancakes a little more forcefully then required.

"Suigetsu asked me if I was over Sasuke, today," Karin sighed into her smoothie.

Hashirama and Sakura paused abruptly, their undivided attention now on Karin. Karin and Suigetsu had an…interesting relationship. They fought like cats and dogs, but at the end of the day, both of them had a soft spot for each other. Hashirama, softie that he was, had been silently shipping them from the sidelines for ages. And Sakura, hopeless romantic extraordinaire, had her heart invested right with Karin.

"I think he wants to ask me out," said Karin, cutting into her crepes, and Sakura and Hashirama held teir breath, "But can't work up the nerve."

The other occupants of the table deflated visibly.

"I mean, why do men have to be so freaking elusive?" she continued, unknowingly imitating a thirteen year old girl running to tell her friends about a boy who called her ugly. "Why can't they just say whatever the heck they're thinking and stop hiding their emotions behind vague statements that are impossible to decipher?"

Sakura looked at Hashirama, who looked back at her with wide eyes. Both of them shrugged and paid an inordinate amount of attention to their breakfast. Then Sakura braved the thunderstorm of Karin's anger, and said, "Maybe _you_ should ask _him_ out?"

Karin glared. "As if! Why would I do that?! He can eat shit and _die_!"

"Hmm," Hashirama said nonchalantly. All of them pointedly ignored the light sheen of tears behind Karin's glasses.

"I'll kill him for you, if you want," said Sakura casually, with a side of menace.

Karin sniffed back the tears and held on to Sakura's hand.

They continued with the gossip session.

"Mikoto's been angling for another baby. I'm so not ready to go there," said Sakura.

"Madara scared of Naruto's wife. I think the poor darling went in shock," Hashirama sighed sadly.

"Yeah, I heard about that one," Sakura grimaced.

"Would it kill him to be nice to people," Karin glared. Hashirma opened his mouth to defend his beau, but Sakura cut him off.

"Except you, Gramps," she said. She was still bitter over the fact that Madara had tried to oppose her marriage to Sasuke.

"Ah," sighed Karin wistfully, "Reminds me of the days when the Uchiha's were powerful and notorious for their philanthropy. And the wild ways of their fucked up children.

Hashirama looked properly offended. "They still _are_. Except for the wild ways of–" he cut off abruptly, realizing he was just digging himself into a deeper, more notorious pit, and inhaled a calming breath. "You know what? Never mind."

Sakura and Karin smirked at him.

"Anyyywayyy," Karin continued, "That Kiba guy tried to get in my pants."

"Ugh, that _beast_ ," sniffed Hashirama disgustedly. Hashirama had had an..unfortunate incident with Kiba's distant aunt. He was not fond of the Inuzuka's.

Sakura laughed, then sobered up. "Sasuke-kun's nun-like self-denial is torture. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep up."

Hashirama gave her a pitying look. "I'm sure he'll come around."

"You should just jump him, you know," Karin said casually. "When he's least expecting it."

"Maybe I will," Sakura gave her smoothie a considering look, then took a dainty sip.

They ate silently for a little while. Then Hashirama said, "Madara just bought the most horrible carpet for our living room. I don't know how to tell him."

"Oh, no," said Sakura.

Karin just laughed. "Dude."

"I _know_ ," Hashirama sighed in dismay, "Have you seen him sigh? It's like a balloon deflating!"

The girls laughed at him again.

"On top of that, Tobirama saw it. I can't describe the look on his face."

"He needs to chill." Sakura laughed.

"Yeah, God forbid someone might mistake him for a seven year old boy WITHOUT a sense of derision for the world." Karin rolled her eyes, and finished off her smoothie in one, big gulp.

Hashirama daintily patted his mouth clean and chose to ignore their comments with practiced dignity. Then he steeled himself and said, "I'll tell him today."

"Way to go, Gramps."

"Just be sure to placate him with lots of lovin'," Sakura waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "You know, so he doesn't go all crazy and chemically imbalanced on us, again?"

"Count on it," Hashirama grinned, and the girl groaned their disgust.

"TMI, Gramps!"

"What? He's really loveable once you get to know him!" Hashirama lamented for the umpteenth time.

"I know," Sakura winked.

"Geez," Karin snapped disgustedly, then something outside caught her eye and she pointed, "Your Baby daddy's here."

Simultaniously, they all turned towards the window, where Sasuke was just walking down the street all suave in a casual black sweater and aviators, a five year old Sarada holding his hand.

"Yup," Sakura started gathering her things and Hashirama motioned for the bill, "That's my dork."

"I must say, fatherhood looks good on him."

Sakura's face softened with a smile, and she waved at Sasuke to come their way as he entered the café. "Sure does."

As soon as Sasuke approached their table, Karin swiped Sarada away from him. "This little beanie, baby is so _cute_!" she cooed in an exaggerated baby voice.

"Hey," Sarada squealed in delight and latched onto Karin.

Sasuke looked momentarily stunned and Sakura laughed at him. Blinking out of his stupor, he nodded at Hashirama and shuffled awkwardly on his feet. He was desperately awkward around him—and hadn't quite gotten over the fact that his great uncle was gay and very much in love with his own best friend's distant, x times removed, great something. Family gatherings had never been the same.

As Hashirama paid the bill, Sasuke looked anywhere but at them. So taking pity on him, Sakura started saying her goodbyes. "So, see you guys next week, then."

"Your daughter is a cutie patootie," Karin cooed in response and Sarada giggled in her arms.

"I know, babe."

"See you next week, Sakura," Hashirama beamed.

Without warning, Sasuke lifted her jacket from the back of her chair and held it out so she could slip her arms through the sleeves.

"Aw, thanks, darling." She leaned forward and quickly pecked him on the lips. Sasuke blushed furiously and looked away. "Aa."

It took them a while to pry Sarada out of Karin's arms—"Maybe you should sic Himawari on Maddy, Gramps"—and as they finally sauntered out, Karin and Hashirama looked after them with puppy eyes.

"Maybe I _will_ ask Suigetsu out."

"That's my girl."

x

 _tbc_


	2. Chapter 2

**Tell Me Something**

 **x**

 **Summary:** Sakura, Hashirama and Karin gather for breakfast once a week to discuss their respective boyfriends—or lack there off. "You _cheated_ on her. With your best friend. You very _male_ , very _hot_ and very _vindictive_ best friend." SasuSaku. HashiMada. SuiKarin.

 **x**

 **Notes:**  
The soggy toilet paper insult bought to you by: thebootydiaries at tumblr

 **x**

 _The real trouble with reality is that there is no background music._

 ** _x_**

Hashirama fiddled with the strap of his Rolex and heaved a tired sigh. Karin doodled on a napkin, her mouth tugged down in an angry frown. Both of them looked up as Sakura flopped down in her seat. "Sorry," she apologized, "Sarada fell down the stairs. Baby Daddy freaked."

"Is she alright?" asked Karin, her eyes round with concern.

"Yeah. Fortunately, it was just the porch stairs, and she just scraped her knee," Sakura explained as she rummaged around in her purse, zipped it up and hung it on her chair.

"Well, I'm glad she's ok," said Hashirama, all melty eyed and worried. Sakura gave him a grateful smile.

"Anyway," she continued, "Baby Daddy flipped and decided we needed to go to the hospital, until I reminded him that _I_ am a doctor," she sighed, shook her head in frustration. "It was a _very_ long morning."

"It was a very long _week_ ," grumbled Karin.

"I can tell, honey. What happened?" For Karin's usual deliberately disheveled hair was in actual disarray. The shorn side of her head was inordinately jumbled with the other one. It looked like…sexy hair. Hashirama dared to hope.

Karin glared sulkily. "I woke up on the wrong side of the bed."

"Ahaha," Hashirama laughed with a tenor of the barely hopeful, "Don't be cheeky, Karin."

"No! I literally woke up on the wrong side of the bed!" she cried, then took a deep breath to calm herself down. "I got drunk on wine last night, then went to sleep. Somehow during the night it caught under the sheet and now—just look at it!" she explained morosely, holding a few red strands between her fingers and looking desolate.

"Wow," said Sakura, struck with the tenacity of such a misfortune and thanking all deities out there for her short, very chic, barely-grazing-the-shoulders bob. "Sucks."

"Tell me about it."

Hashirama's shoulders had visibly slouched, but the girls didn't pay it much mind as the waiter arrived just then to take their orders.

"I'd like a roasted veggie frittata, a small bowl of skillet hash with spinach and an apple apricot smoothie," said Sakura, flipping the menu close.

"I'll have a spinach and bacon omlette with brown bread, a side of kale and potato hash and a banana almond crush," ordered Karin, smoothly.

"I'll have a pumpkin and granola parfait, a small order of peanut butter and banana pancakes and a mint tea, please," Hashirama ordered graciously.

As the waiter scurried away, Sakura said, "Guess who I ran into this week?"

"Who?" asked Hashirama excitedly.

"Neji."

From the front plate of the round table Karin hissed ominously. Neji had a certain air of snoot about him, a kind of bubbling scadenfreud, that many a people had a resented very thoroughly. He had once dissed Karin's hair with such an air of self-absorbed prissiness, even Madara had nodded in approval. Karin hated him with a burning intensity of ten thousand scorching, lava hot suns.

Hashirama gave her a worried glance. "What happened?"

"Ino was with me. They had a stimulating argument about Calvin Klien vs. Alexander Mcqueen."

"Who won," asked Karin, and Sakura knew she was hoping beyond hope that Ino would have cut smarmy, smirk boy to size.

"It was an impasse," Sakura told her gently, placing a placating hand on hers.

"Darn it," Karin grit out through clenched teeth and a distorted frown while Hashirama looked on with puppy eyes. It was always took his own personal arrow to the heart when someone he favored became distraught by someone he clearly didn't.

They all silently mourned the lost opportunity that fate so cruelly plucked from Karin's unknowing hands.

Then their breakfast arrived and the gossip session of the morning begun.

"If one more soggy toilet paper roll tries to convince me I'm being oppressed because I'm taking some time off to raise my daughter, then I will personally send them a frozen turkey so that their mom can cook it and they can eat it and then they can watch it go through their entire digestive tract since their head is conveniently shoved so far up their ass that they have a great view of their colon!" Then she inhaled a deep breath and took a dainty bite of her frittata.

Everyone knew that Sakura's fury was kind of like a bubbling, overflowing surge of a supernova. And clearly she's been keeping a lid on it for a while now.

Karin and Hashirama gave each other a silently disgusted glance before arranging their faces in appropriate revulsion at such chauvinistic assumptions. Unfortunately, they couldn't quite top Sakura's very eloquent, very articulate speech, so neither of them said anything else—just sat in semi-stunned, semi repugnant stillness while Sakura polished off her small frittata.

"Thank you, Sakura," Karin said after a few more moments of stricken silence, "for that lovely visual."

"You're welcome."

Hashirama took a bite of his pancake gingerly, then asked, "When are you going back full time?"

"I don't know," Sakura answered. "Shizune has everything under control for now, so maybe a year or two?"

"Hmm."

"So what's new with you and Maddy, Gramps?" Karin asked, expecting an interesting answer. Hashirama and Madara had a relationship that could assert even the more frightful of bores.

As if on cue, Hashirama's face fell. "Oh," he said, his voice lamenting, "We were at the Plaza a few days back and guess who we ran into?"

"Who?" asked Sakura, leaning on the edge of her seat.

"Mito."

The girls gasped sharply. Hashirama had been presumably happily married to Mito—until he was not. There had been a nasty incident involving a closet, a can of whipped cream and a lot of screaming, after which Hashirama had been not so happily married to Mito. After a hefty settlement and an imminent divorce Hashirama had gotten together with Madara. To this day, Sakura suspected some kind of skullduggery on Madara's part and Mito had since worn her humiliation like a war wound.

"What happened?" Karin asked with the exited veneer of a middle aged house wife who'd missed her favorite soap opera.

"It was horrible," said Hashirama. "You know how Mito gets—"

"Duh," interrupted Sakura, "You _cheated_ on her. With your best friend. You very _male_ , very _hot_ and very _vindictive_ best friend."

Hashirama gave her a wounded look. "We were in love!"

"Excuses!" Sakura admonished, "If it were me, I'd have skewered you alive!"

"Shut up!" Karin snapped at Sakura, then turned back to Hashirama like a depraved gossip monger.

"Madara's eye went all twitchy and they started this verbal spar and I didn't know what to _do_!"

Sakura pursed her lips in disapproval.

"Then Mito accused me of being an unfaithful, debauched, unworthy whore monger." Hashirama looked positively crushed. Sakura shook her head in disappointment and Karin patted his hand in consolation.

"Madara went a little nut's so I said that I loved them both equally," he said. "Just not in the same way."

"Oh boy," sighed Sakura.

Even Karin had to scoot back a little at the loaded words Hashirama had so callously thrown out. "Not cool Gramps."

"What?" cried Hashirama, "I _do_. They're both very close to my heart."

"Except," said Sakura, her voice reprimanding, "that you used Mito as a beard to cover your sordid affair with Maddy."

Hashirama shrinked into himself as the girls ate their breakfast. "Mito started crying, and Madara hasn't looked me in the eye, since." Then he looked at Sakura and said, "You're being very cruel today."

The wounded puppy look in his eyes made Sakura's heart melt a little. "I'm sorry," she said gently.

Karin rolled her eyes. Not everyone knew it, but Hashirama was kind of a conniving mental mystery. All delicious, melty chocolate on the outside, but that brain was a hard nut to crack.

"Suigetsu showed up at my office," Karin mentioned casually.

Hashirama's inner golden retriever perked up and his battered and abused shipper heart dared to hope again. Sakura just held her breath, knowing this could just be a false alarm.

"He asked me out," said Karin, eyes half lidded and uncharacteristically shy.

"Oh," said Sakura, the hopeless romantic in her heart galloping with joy.

" _Oh_ ," said Hashirama, and if it were another world, his eyes would've been streaming with a waterfall of happy tears.

However, both of them knew that this—whatever this was—was still fragile and tentative. So no big deal was made out of it.

Sakura took a careful sip of her smoothie. "So on Monday, Sarada felt really sick after drinking her milk. Baby Daddy decided she needed to be burped."

Karin laughed a surprised little tinkle and all three of them imagined Uchiha Sasuke holding on to Sarada for dear life. They all swooned a little.

"Then he started patting her on the back, like when you're burping a baby and she's trying to squirm out of his arms but you know Sasuke-kun…"

"Where were you?" Karin asked.

"Hot man with a child? Duh, I was observing."

"Did he let go?" Hashirama asked.

"No," Sakura laughed, "And then Sara-chan puked all down his back."

" _No_."

"Yes!" Sakura was beaming. A lifetime ago, Uchiha Sasuke would've burned down the entirety of downtown Konoha if some kid even looked at him wrong. Now he was a regular domesticated Dad and it never ceased to amaze her.

"Aw, man," sighed Karin wistfully. "Tap that ass for me won't you?"

"Claws off, witch," beamed Sakura affectionately.

Hashirama took a bite of his parfait and sighed in bliss. Then he sobered up and said, "Yesterday, I left Himawari-chan with Madara."

Karin paused, a bite of her omlette halfway into her mouth. Then she withdrew the fork and looked at Hashirama incredulously. "You _actually_ siced Himawari on Maddy?"

Hashirama shrugged dolefully. "He wasn't talking to me. It's not good to coop your feelings up."

"No, but let me get this straight," said Sakura, just as incredulous as Karin, "You siced the most evil child in your weird ass family on the most evil person in my weird ass family?"

"…Yes?"

There was a moment of silence where all three of them shuddered at the possibilities.

Then Karin asked, "What did you come home to, Gramps?"

Hashirama lifted his shoulder in a one sided shrug. "They were playing monopoly."

"Who was winning?"

"I'll let you guess."

"Ho boy."

"Yup."

Karin took a huge gulp of her smoothie to wash down her last bite. Just then she spotted Sasuke lingering in outside with Sarada, right on time to collect his wife. She motioned with her head, and Sakura turned around in her seat. Sarada was waving her small hand from the other side of the glass and when Sakura blew a kiss at her, she caught it, giggled and mimed putting it into her heart.

Karin's heart melted. "Your baby is like a tiny little adorbs kitten."

Hashirama was nodding in agreement.

Sakura, who was picking up the tab this week looked up and grinned. "She _is_ perfect, isn't she?"

Karin was motioning for them to come inside but Sasuke wasn't having any of it.

Sakura sighed and said, "Baby Daddy freaks every time he sees you," motioning towards Hashirama.

Hashirama, who fancied himself a harmless old hoot looked positively crushed.

"Anyway," she said, getting up and picking her things, "See you next week."

They all nodded their assent and Sakura walked out. They watched as she kissed Sasuke on the cheek.

"Lucky bitch," said Hashirama, trying very hard to be hip. Karin eyeballed him and scooted a little farther away in her chair.

 **x**

 _tbc_


	3. Chapter 3

**Tell Me Something**

 **Summary:** Sakura, Hashirama and Karin gather for breakfast once a week to discuss their respective boyfriends—or lack there off. SasuSaku. HashiMada. SuiKarin.

 **x**

 _"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."_  
 _\- Golda Meir_

 **x**

"I'll have Caramelized onion, Arugula, and a Goat Cheese Omelet with a Blueberry Cream Slushie," said Sakura.

"I'll have a breakfast burrito with egg-whites only, a Peach Salsa topping and an Irish Coffee," said Karin.

"I'll have a Strawberry Parfait, Scrambled Eggs with smoked Salmon, Asparagus and Goat Cheese and a Banana Blast, please," said Hashirama.

It was a beautiful day; the weather was cool, the sun was shining brilliantly, and the sunshine was just that right amount of warm that made one feel like it was actually honey dappling over one's skin. Today, Hashirama, who'd arrived first, had chosen the window table.

"How are my favorite girls?" he asked with a smile so brilliant and so fake, the girls just had to scowl.

"What's up, Gramps?" asked Karin, and all pretense on Hashirama's part promptly vanished; his shoulders slumped in despair and his eyes cast down on the table top. In the happy light of sun, Hashirama's gloom was an odd contradiction.

Sakura and Karin exchanged uneasy glances. Then tentatively, Sakura reached out a hand and Hashirama positively pounced on it. He clutched it tightly in both of his and said, "Madara hasn't talked to me properly in a week! It's _awful_!"

Everyone, who was anyone, knew that Madara had the unfortunate reputation of doling out the most sadistic, cruel and inhumane of retribution. His vengeful vendetta was one to be avoided at all costs. That Hashirama; crafty, calculating, cheerful Hashirama had fallen for it, was a testament to his love.

"Oh, Gramps," sighed Karin mournfully.

Sakura tried tugging her hand free only for it to be held more tightly. So she patted their conjoined fist gingerly and added, "You were kind of really mean."

Hashirama looked stricken, so Sakura added, "I'm sure he'll come around, soon!"

With a quivering lower lip, he asked, "Really?"

"With a bit of maneuvering," said Karin.

Hashirama looked hopefully at her. "Tell me!"

"Well, take him out on a really expensive date or something," said Karin, just as their breakfast arrived.

Hashirama pondered the option as the waiter put down their order.

"Or grovel," added Sakura.

"Yes…" said Hashirama, taking a bite out of his parfait and staring into space thoughtfully. "Yes. I could trick him out on a date and grovel. He'd like that." The perpetual merry glow in his eyes seemed to be returning.

While Hashirama retreated in his mind to plan the most spectacular of dates, Karin took up the mantle. "I went out with Suigetsu."

Sakura, who at that moment had been about to take a dainty bite of her omlette, slowly lowered her fork and closed her eyes. _You are Zen_ , she told her heart. _Totally Zen_.

Hashirama, on the other hand was having trouble containing his glee. "Spill!" he gushed, and the girls cringed at his very poor attempt at appearing hip, once again.

"O~kay," said Karin. "He shows up on his bike—his _bike_!—and hands me the helmet. I refused to get on."

"Why?" asked Sakura, bewildered and furious. " _Why_?"

"Because it was so obviously a cloying, stupid ploy to get me plastered to his back! I have self-respect!"

" _Screw_ self-respect!"

"Whose side are you even on!?"

" _Yours_!"

"Then shut up and—"

"Did you get on the bike?" Hashirama interjected breathlessly.

"Eventually, yes. Yes, I did," Karin sniffed self-aggrandizingly

"Hah!" scoffed Sakura, whose heart was so totally not Zen, and took a sip of her Slushie.

"He took me bowling—"

"Ooh, I love bowling!" said Hashirama.

"—and it was all going surprisingly well, until I accidentally dropped the bowling ball on his foot."

Hashirama gasped and Sakura's shoulders slumped. They had a bad feeling about this.

"Naturally, he flipped. I told him, my fingers were just as injured as his fucking foot!" she held up her index finger, which, now the company noticed was bent forward at a slightly awkward angle. It looked painful.

"Oh, Karin," said Sakura, reaching out and examining the slightly purple hue around her joint. "You should get this wrapped up. I'll give you some ointment."

"Thanks, babe," said Karin, patting Sakura's head affectionately while Hashirama silently lamented Karin's clumsiness.

"Anyway," she continued, "We had this huge fight and he said, and I quote, 'Jesus Fucking Christ you annoying woman!"

"Asshole," said Sakura, without inflection.

"Totally," agreed Hashirama.

"So I asked him what crawled up his ass and died and he said it was his _foot_ that was actually dying. We ended up taking a taxi to the ER and I kind of left him there," Karin finished morosely.

No one said anything for a while. It was a conjoined mourning of something lost. a minute later, they resumed eating.

"Baby Daddy tried to arrange a romantic dinner," started Sakura.

" _No_ ," laughed Karin, "Knowing him, it probably ended in disaster."

"He left the lasagna in the oven, too long. The smoke alarm went off and beeped for eternity. We ended up eating Chinese take-out on the back porch," she explained. "It was amazing."

Hashirama, had he been younger and/or of the opposite gender might have squealed.

"You two are disgusting," sighed Karin, smiling past a spoonful of salsa.

"In love," corrected Sakura.

"Reminds me of your epic crush on Tobirama," Karin smirked.

"What?" Hashirama smiled, pointedly mishearing to avoid severe blunt trauma to his ears.

"Sakura had a crush on Tobirama," explained Karin.

Sakura wholehearted shrugged. "It's true. I still kind of do."

"…B-but—What?"

"It's alright, Gramps," Karin mock consoled while surreptitiously sneaking a huge bite of his parfait.

" _Tobirama_? _My_ Tobirama?" Hashirama gaped.

"Technically, he's not yours. And yes. He's hot."

Hashirama appeared appalled. In all his years, he had never, not one single time, known anyone enamored with _Tobirama_ , of all people. He was prissy, prickly, had a terrible superiority complex and loved hating Madara.

"Does Sasuke-kun know?"

"Some secrets, you take to the grave," Sakura recited wisely.

Such was his distress, Hashirama couldn't speak for quite a few minutes; just stared out the window in listless discomfiture. "Oh," he perked up, for Sasuke walked down the street, right on time.

"Aw," Karin cooed. Today Sarada sat proudly on his shoulders, clutching at his hair to keep her balance and laughing her delight. Sasuke had one careful hand around each leg, and walked leisurely. Sunlight dappled his face, catching at his cheekbones and glowing through his lashes.

Sakura grinned and waved, and stopping just outside the window, Sarada , as per ritual, blew her a kiss. Sakura caught it and mimed putting it in her heart.

"You lucky bitch," sighed Karin.

"You bet I am," said Sakura, getting up and gathering her coat. "See you next week," she shouted over her shoulder.

"That child might just melt Madara's heart," stated Hashirama thoughtfully.

"You know what?" asked Karin, "She just might."

 **x**

 _tbc_


End file.
